Monday, April 18, 2005

A question about wanna-be's

As I mentioned earlier, I was on Jack Army's site and read his post about this guy who had some pretty outrageous things to say about his supposed wartime experiences. (The original is reproduced here, if you're interested.)

(By the way, did anyone notice that, not only is he apparently lying about his service, but he's ripping off the Three Bears? Stan thought, "Papa Bear's green beret is too big, but Baby Bear's is just right . . .")

Here's what I don't understand - why do the poseurs always seem to take it so far over the top? This guy claims to have HALOed from a B-52, and to have resorted to cannabilism to stay alive in Vietnam. Why isn't enough to just pretend to have been a "green beret" in the war there? That's not enough pretended glory for them?

I mean, I didn't HALO from a B-52, I didn't fight off a legion of flesh-eating Al-Qaeda with a laser improvised from a .50 cal casing, a watch crystal and a Bic lighter, I wasn't awarded the Medal of Honor (in point of fact, I didn't do anything that was particularly valorous), and I didn't resort to eating human flesh (as far as I know - some of the dishes served up by the Afghans were somewhat mysterious.) Nonetheless, I "lived the myth" of the Green Beret, and I suspect that my war stories would get a respectful hearing at the VFW, and from a local paper, if I chose to go that route.

So why does the guy who's just pretending have to pretend to so much, expecially since it makes him so much more likely to be caught? I think that I need to add a point to my post on how to pretend to be a Green Beret:

Remember, it's a small community, and if you really have HALOed from a B-52, or escaped and evaded across Iran through Turkey, or have been awarded the Medal of Honor, people will know about it. Better to pretend to have been an ordinary, run of the mill Green Beret from an unspecified group, so that the real operators will be less inclined to check your stories.

But I do want to know when I get to learn how to kill goats by wishing them dead, so I can prove I'm a real "Green Beret."

(How do we know that particular Green Beret story is fiction, by the way? If SF guys really could stop someone's heart by thinking about it, there wouldn't be a Sergeant Major on Fort Bragg left alive.)

16 Comments:

Blogger Papa Ray said...

Hey,
Back in the day, if you did anything even close to what he claims, you would be laughed at, have to buy all the beer, and then be told to leave.

Of course now, on the internet, its kinda hard to get those things done.

Papa Ray
West Texas
USA

2:52 AM  
Blogger Uncle Jimbo said...

Dude,

I hit a classic heh moment with your line

"If SF guys really could stop someone's heart by thinking about it, there wouldn't be a Sergeant Major on Fort Bragg left alive"

I damn sure tried.

3:19 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

A couple things. The few combat HALO jumps in SEA were done by SOG men and I know them. Anyone who claims SF and or SOG service during the SEA war time frame can be vetted in the time it takes to send an email or dial a phone #.

Why do they do it? Well for starters they are ignorant motherfuckers. Can I cuss here? Probably not. Ok sorry about that but really there is no better word, actually there are worse words for them. They are probably dumb ass liberals. Hell I can tell a much better, and believable (I might add) war story and I'm just a girl.

This guy is obviously a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Everyone knows you can't HALO jump from a B-52 and the fact that its never been done. SOG's relationship with SAC during the war in SEA was limited to SOG men doing BDAs.

I have the latest from Billy Waugh posted on my blog now and will have another letter from him tomorrow. You do know who Billy is, right?

De Oppresso Liber,
Jennifer Martinez sends

P.S. Let me know if I can't cuss here.

3:42 AM  
Blogger six said...

I've HALO'd out of a bomber...
...not a B-52, but I did jump out of B-17 Bomber.
...last year
...from 8,000 feet.
...opened my parachute at 3,000 feet.
skydivers do it all the time

10:17 AM  
Blogger Mystic mog said...

Pull up a sandbag son and I'll tell you a war story. Back in 1970 me and another Corporal were in British Honduras
We asked for and were given leave of absence to Hitch hike home up through Mexico and tour the states - we eventually did 37 states
Anyway we visit the navy yard in Philly and are put up by the marines. Awfully nice chaps - They invite us to their holy of holys "the Tun Tavern" its apparantly where they were formed. So we get showered and into best ripstop junglies. Now you may know or not that the British Army all wear berets - albeit ours dark blue. We turn up that evening and as we stand in the door - a vision in junglies the bar clears and a small voice from somewhere behind a large fridge says "OK you guys we don't want no trouble here - we're calling the shore patrol" - We stand and look perplexed when someone realises "hey guys its the "Limies" not the crazy f****kers"Apparantly only special forces in US forces wear berets and the week before some seriously deranged SF types had come back from Viet Nam and gone "kill crazy" - really strange
but true - We had a lot of beer ? very weak, cold, fizzy and in quart pitchers bought for us that night
Mystic mog
ex 1 DERR (49th &62nd, 66th and 99th of foot)

1:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have heard many Untrue Stories of Nam...That's just the nature of thje Beast.......I was a Cobra Mechanic so My Stories would be some what Dull....
11thACR

3:18 PM  
Anonymous Kristy said...

Actually, I think the most amazing part is that he thought that claiming to be a cannibal was a good way to impress girls. If some man at a bar leaned over and whispered in my ear that he had done that, I’d set the new Olympic speed record getting out the door. I mean...YUCK.

Fast roping, on the other hand, does seem like a cool thing to have done. : - )

Kristy

3:24 PM  
Blogger Major Mike said...

Burkett, in Stolen Valor, does a great job of tracing the "history" of impostophrenia (made that up). Guy Sajer in his book Forgotten Soldier, starts off by saying he had never met a Frenchman that hadn't served in the Resistance, even thought at the peak, there were probably no more than 5000 people active in the Resistance. So, this phenomenon is nothing new. The blogshpere is shortening the lifetime of these impostors...any surprise in Jenn's new post Maxcy claims to the reporter to be terminal? His fake life is terminal...he will just move on. Compliments to all who ran this to ground. MM

11:37 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Major Mike,

What do you want to bet that VA Comp is next on maxi-pad's agenda. My guess is 100% service-connected.

Jennifer Martinez sends

12:47 PM  
Anonymous Lilly said...

I have to agree with Kristy. Although, I don't think the cannibalism is gross, just not a good ice-breaker. Any time a guy starts a conversation with "Well, this one time I was blah,blah,blah..." I start plotting my retreat. Not a lot of military impostors here in orange county, but plenty of tri-athletes, surfers, skiers, and the like with hungry egos.

7:52 PM  
Blogger remoteman said...

Dumbasses are as thick as the cornstalks in an Indiana field. Same as it ever was. But how dumb do you have to be to say that you are/were SOF or Green Beret? Do the poseurs tend to have been in the military in a non-combat role or did they never serve.

Note I was not in the military, regret that decision, have the utmost respect for those that are/were. I could not imagine posing to the contrary.

9:24 PM  
Anonymous Kristy said...

Lilly,

I was in a mad rush when I wrote that comment the other day and now that I've had a chance to think about it, it's probably another in a series of non sequiturs that I've written here. I didn't actually follow the link to the original article, both because I didn't have time and because the whole cannibalism thing kind of dampened my enthusiasm for reading it. I did, however, follow the link to Jack Army's blog. It was Jack who posted about men who try to impress girls by claiming to have been in SF, and that's what I was thinking of when I wrote my sorta incoherent first comment. I don't know if the cannibal was flirting with girls or not. But I stand by my statement that I'd run a mile if someone said it to me. :-)

Kristy

12:19 AM  
Blogger CL said...

I worked with a guy once who did NBC in the Army. Nothing to be ashamed of...but for some unknown reason as soon as the words "82nd Airborne" came out of my mouth he started laying it on thick. Not sure why. Not like I did anything special...jumped out of plains and blew shit up...in between wars no less. But liar Todd had to add to his DD 214...on fly.

My personal favorite was him getting his wings at Ft. Bliss...sad surely he knows there isn't an Airborne School at Ft. Bliss. Then there was his addition of service with Delta Force...but where he said their base was didn't match that greyed out area on the map of Ft. Bragg across for that LZ everyone likes to use.

Sad really...he knew his shit about NBC...that was enough for me...oh well...hence why we started calling him liar Todd.

4:14 PM  
Blogger CL said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So you were a SF soldier? There are two basic questions you can ask a man whom claims he served as a SF soldier. I was in a bar in michigan when my wife told me there was a guy at the end of the bar telling everyone he was SF and had just returned from Kabul. One look and I could tell he was full of shit to think of the hell I went through to earn that badge of courage. When I got up and presented myself he shunned away and just kept the talk basic. I asked the first basic question and_______ as I thought wrong the reply, a little pissed I was. Later when my wife told him who I was he bolted out of the bar.
wanna-be
Ret. MSG chet
Eastside Detroit
USA

10:27 PM  
Blogger NOTR said...

This wannabe was in little Arab, Alabammy. The paper on desolute Sand Mountain is a wee bit short of folks who know much about the military. So he had every reason to think he would never get challenged. But alas the paper had a web site!

6:31 AM  

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